Losing Martha

In less than two weeks, I lost two Marthas.  One was my friend and the other was my family.  My Friend Martha and My Great Aunt Martha were the kind of women that made you happy to know them.  Women that made you feel like you were the only one in the room that could appreciate that irreverent and witty whisper they would share as they leaned in and touched your arm in a crowded gathering.

Both Marthas had marriages that were examples of kindness, love and support. Always in search of happy marriages to model, I was never in a room with either couple that I didn’t think, “that’s love”.

My Aunt Martha left a husband nine years older than her.  Since she was in her 90’s and he was over 100 years old, I’m sure he never thought he would face a day without her and I grieve for his loss.  Friend Martha was far too young and her passing was a shock to all who knew her.  I not only grieve for the loss of my friend, but my heart is filled with grief for her husband as I am sure he believed they would grow old together and looked forward to many more years with her.

Aunt Martha was my grandmother’s youngest sister and lived many miles away from us.  Memories of her are mostly from childhood family reunions and occasional visits and always include a beautiful face that glowed with the same love light I recognized from my grandmother and an ever-present smile.  Pictures of her and my Great Aunt Mary and my grandmother posing and vamping for the camera are among my favorite family photos.

Friend Martha was fun, intelligent, and beautiful.  When I think of “capable” and “leader”, her face comes to mind.  I was privileged to know her.  Her memorial service was standing room only and one person after another stepped forward to tell of all the things she had done for her family, her community, and her friends.  Sitting in the pews with another friend, we both left the service admitting that her legacy made us feel that we could do more, give more, be more.  We vowed to try but it will not be easy to fill Martha’s shoes. She was very special and her passing leaves us baffled and empty.

Any loss is difficult but unexpected loss leaves you confused and searching for explanations of a greater plan.  The only lesson perhaps is that these are reminders to live fully and unafraid because every moment is precious.

We also grieve the passing of another family friend this week that was a big part of my husband’s life for many years and I have not set a table for a very long time without making sure there was a place set for Joe. I’m not sure how we will face Thanksgiving or any holiday around the Davis House without him.  He was loved by many and will be missed more than he would ever have guessed.

September 2013 has left us feeling a little sorrowful for those we will not see again for a hug and a smile.  Our gatherings of friends and family will be less without them here, but we were blessed and grateful for the gift of knowing them.  

October is almost here and I’m looking forward to a change of season.