Milestone Anniversaries

When setting up this blog site, I named it “Last Half Love” because of my age and because of coming to love at what would be considered “late” in life.  So, obviously when you have waited patiently (ha!) for something and then achieved it, you must celebrate the day it came into your life.  With that in mind, my husband and I will celebrate the five-year milestone in a few weeks.

For all of you that married young and have had decades of bliss, you may think five years is not much to brag about.  Odds that my marriage will reach its 25th year are low just because of the age factor alone.  Not impossible, but we consider each year (or even each day) a gift and try not to take it for granted the way that someone 25 years old might look at their future.

My life has been an anomaly when it comes to relationships.  Although I dated and knew many interesting, creative, and successful men in my life, I’ve never previously married or even lived with a man before my husband.  I had always lived alone (except for a cat or two) from the age of 23 until our marriage at the age of 48.

Childhood did not provide me with the best example of marriage.  The house I lived in growing up was filled with anger much of the time and joy was limited.  As the oldest, I was often left to be the caretaker and responsible while my parents worked, etc. for my two younger siblings.  For those reasons, I was wary of relationships that might be anything similar to what I grew up with and also never felt the need to have children.  I love my younger sister and brother, but in the big scheme of things, I had babysat for them and for neighborhood kids and felt like I had “done that, been there” and never felt that motherhood was something I needed to do in order to be fulfilled in some way.

All that being said, five years is an important milestone for us. I’ve known my husband for many years and came into this marriage with eyes and heart open.  I believe the same for him.  These five years have filled me with joy and love and an opportunity to grow.  There are a few lessons that I’ve learned that although I believe I knew them before, have realized how critical it was to remember them everyday of our marriage.

Lesson #1:  All In or All Out.  From the moment we were married, our wills, our bank accounts, and our savings—everything—became “ours”.  It was the best decision we ever made.  Especially without children, it was important to lay the foundation for commitment to the union of our lives.  We are responsible to each other in every way possible and have been from the moment we decided to marry.  We grow together and fall together.  No secrets.  I don’t know how anyone considers themselves truly “one” if they have separate bank accounts or a secret stash.  How do you face your goals together if you are figuring out who owes what?  In order to make decisions that affect both of you, you must fully understand that you take from both of you when you write that check or make that investment or buy that toy.

Lesson #2:  Just because you are married does not mean that a smile and a positive attitude are not important.  In other words, don’t save your “happy face” for the outside world.  If it’s really a bad day, let your spouse know and look for support, but if it’s just crummy traffic or some idiot in the grocery store line, suck it up and come home with a smile.  Share the joy and don’t “harsh the mellow” for the non-important stuff.

Lesson #3:  Men are as vain as women when it comes to being told they are handsome and attractive.  It’s important to tell your man that he looks amazing in that pair of jeans and that his new haircut is flattering.  I am incredibly self-conscious about my looks because of being the chubby kid for most of my life.  My husband gives me a positive compliment every day and I admit that I’ve always thought he was great looking and attractive and took for granted that he knew it. And he may, but it’s important that he hears it often from me, his wife.

My sister once told me when I was complaining about a bad boyfriend experience that as she lay in bed earlier that year with the flu (red nose, greasy hair, rumpled pajamas) her husband stopped and smiled at her as he was leaving the room.  She said I asked him “Real pretty, huh?” and his answer was “Yes, you are”.  She then said, “you deserve that kind of love in your life”.  Remember to tell the love in your life how beautiful you think they are every day.  It’s important.

Lesson #4:  The inscription inside our wedding rings says “like scissors” from the Sydney Smith quote “Married couples resemble a pair of scissors, so joined that they cannot be separated, often moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing anyone who comes between them.”  We believe that fully.  First and foremost, our responsibilities are to our union.  We chose to be married to each other and we don’t change our focus on that regardless of what others think or say. Those that have tried to step between us or bring strife or conflict or made one or the other of us unhappy or hurt were cut from our lives. He is my family and I am his.  As long as extended family and friends know this and acknowledges it, we welcome them in our lives.

Lesson #5:  Never speak badly about your spouse to anyone ever.  Besides the occasional girl talk about men as a unique creature to us females, everyone knows for sure that I believe my husband is the best thing ever and how much I love him.  No doubt, no question.  To speak badly about your spouse to anyone only reflects on you.  I refer to my husband on the limited social media I participate in as “Handsome Husband” because he doesn’t participate in social media and besides giving him a bit of anonymity; it makes me smile every time I type it.  He refers to me in any conversation phone or otherwise as “The Lovely and Gracious Mrs. Davis”.  It’s a seed that is planted every time it happens and it helps our garden of love continue to flower and grow.

Five lessons for five years are all I have right now.  Hopefully I’ll have ten to share for our ten-year anniversary.  I wish you all love and a future filled with milestone anniversaries.